Remebering the Important Things(i.e. before you get knocked out)

"When you are going under anaesthesia the funniest things seem to filter through your mind."
You went under anaesthesia? And I missed it!
"No, personally I have not. But I have a story to relate."
A factual story.
"Partially."
Which part?
"Can I get on with it please?"
Sure, though it is my blog so I should be the one saying that.
"Then say it."
Can we get on with it please. See how I added that extra bit of snot to my voice.
"Ewww. What were we talking about?"
A partially factual story about anaesthesia.

"Right. You'd think someone would be worried about the procedure they are about to receive or their reaction to the anaesthesia. This particular human, let's call her Jane, was most concerned about her tooth."
Well was she getting her face worked on?
"Decidedly not. It had nothing to do with her face, teeth, head, etc. As she was getting wheeled away though you could hear her saying, 'I don't care about the procedure, I'm worried about my tooth.' I guess it is the small things in life."

You are so funny 'small things'. Please stop trying so hard. Besides making fun of a stranger is not cool.

"Who said it was a stranger. Do family members count?"
Oh well that's okay. Just wanted to make sure you weren't violating HIPPO laws.
"Eliza..."

Randomness

Pizza making is even more fun with a kid so if you don't have one just borrow one like my humanoid did.
"It's called babysitting, not borrowing- that sounds so illegal."
The only downfall to kids helping-they want to make some for their Web Kinz.
"So sweet."
But he made it on the floor. Disgusting.
"What do urban ants eat off of?"
Plates.

Look what someone sent me!

Wasn't that sweet!

"I think they're calling you a blood sucker."

Shoebox!

Ripoff Pictures

I love it when you borrow memory cards. Here's a few pictures that were pretty cool.
"I got permission."
Sure you did.
"Really, well except for the cool lady."
Do you even know her?
"Maybe."
Movie star.

Hard Headed Humans

I thought it was just my human but now I think you all have thick heads.

A girl riding home on the train on Christmas Eve has a crow bar that is attached to the emergency window fall and hit her in the head. Does she scream? Cry? Ask for her lawyer?
No she says 'what was that'?
WHAT WAS THAT? A CROW-BAR! AND IT JUST HIT YOU IN THE HEAD!
"Like usual you did exaggerate the situation. I know the girl... she's so hard headed that the crow bar bounced off her and hit the couple behind her."
NO!

"Okay seriously, the crow bar did fall down but thankfully it only grazed her temple and it missed the couple in the seat behind her. I heard she did go to get a tetanus shot though."

You spoil all my stories...next I'll tell you about the lady with the thermal event- NO lie.

Snow Day (Saturday)

Going to the mall is something my translator abhors on a normal day, add a snow storm and being five days before Christmas- a very bad combination.
"Horrendous."
At least you didn't have to drive.
"But I didn't expect walking around the mall either."
By the way you dressed I'd say that was obvious.
"What?"
Two words ho bo.

Eliza got punked

"Eliza, I saw a nun working at McDonald's."
Really! That's strange.
"Uh-huh. And two inmates going to Stop-n-Shop without any officers around. You don't find that strange either?"
Well, they were on break from trash duty.
"Eliza, they were in costumes. It's h a l l o w e e n ."
Ha, ha, I totally forgot about that- lot's of leftover candy. My cousins will be eating good this weekend.
"So do you still want to visit a correctional facility?"
Do you mean jail? Stop playing.
"No here's list of local jails- really I can send you in, drop you off, whatever you want."
Ha, ha. Isn't the Shoebox bad enough.

Falling for Jason Mraz

Literally.
"Oh come on Eliza, no one wants to hear about this. It's really not as exciting as you're trying to make it sound."
Two and a half times did my humanoid crash to the ground for the surfer/singer. Brushing through a near death experience-
"Eliza. Really! What are you a Newsies (Collector's Edition)? I fell outside a BEST BUY. And I only fell twice."
Yeah, but then you tripped and almost went down again. It was the funniest thing. You looked so drunk. Hehe.
"You wouldn't have found it funny if you were in my left pocket. Besides, we went for a laptop. The Jason Mraz cd was a reward for my near death experience."
Okay now who's the Newsies? Talk about yellow journalism more like-
"Check out Jason Mraz's website- we are listening to Lucky right now."
Or check him out on YouTube.
"Same difference."



Hey human can you find ant-sized slippers like that?

Pirate Week~

In honor of Pirate Week I sent one of my minions to a local Pirate Fair. Since I couldn't convince my humanoid to go this weekend. Hint, hint.

"I told you I had to work."

You ALWAYS say that. What do you do? I bet you don't even have a job. You just keep going to sleep in your car and pretend to be working.

"Ehm, back to Pirate Week."

See! Well, as I was saying, I sent one of my faithful slaves to a fair honoring the glamorized brethren of chaos. They ate the food, drank the rum and took the pictures.
Here are a few.

Hello Humans!

You thought I no longer had anything fascinating to say but you were wrong. I’ve been filling my humanoid's brain with all my amazing observations and intellect. Unfortunately, it seems to disappear between my mouth and the computer screen.

“Hey, I’ve typed it, I just haven’t posted it.”

Why, human, why? Now the people may never know the truth about Olympic bull riding or my obsession with TapOut.

“Hmm, you really like that VS channel don’t you?”

Yes, so you can unblock it now!

“Fine, Eliza, I’ll make sure to look for that and a few other posts that got lost in my notebook. Now, what were you talking about?”

Parks. My human was kind enough to take me to a park today. It took us thirty-five minutes to find the entrance but only thirty minutes to explore. It was very nice~

“No swings though.”

~yes, I know how you like your swings. But, there were walking paths, benches, a lot of street lamps, a bridge over a canal even a dog park. I think the Dog Whisperer would have been proud. All together it had almost everything I love talking about.

“Oh, what was missing a TV?”
Ha ha. No. Chocolate. So here are a few pictures from today. Enjoy. Can you guess where it is? Because if you know then maybe you should tell my humanoid so we don’t get lost again.